When a spouse or significant other ends a relationship through betrayal, whether it is physical or emotional infidelity, one of the most difficult parts about healing is figuring out what to do with the memories you made with that person. When you discover that for the last eight years of your marriage or relationship that this person was cheating on you or communicating with others online, it can be hard not to look at pictures of holidays, birthdays, vacations and ask yourself, “what are these even worth to me now?” You need to try to find a way to remember what the memories, pictures, and mementos were worth before you knew about the betrayal, abuse, and lies. It is possible to work through the pain of being cheated on and still have happy memories to look back on.
This person who cared so little about you, who cheated on you, and who lied to you already took away the future you believed belonged to you. If you allow them to also take away your memories, to taint what otherwise would bring you joy – then they have won completely. You have the option to choose to look back on pictures, but instead allow the reel of your mind to roll back through time and see happy memories. Those are your memories, not just theirs. It takes time, but you can slowly transition your understanding of those memories from “our” memories to “my” memories.
Allow yourself to reclaim that time period. Find a way to let those memories continue to bring you joy and happiness. Instead of looking at pictures of a vacation and thinking about the relationship, you can start to remember things like how beautiful the mountains looked, how cold the stream was, or how fresh the snow was when you went skiing in Vermont. When we allow those who have hurt us to continue controlling our minds long after they chose to leave, we are giving them power. Release that power and control and reclaim the past, make it yours, and redefine your memories. Those eight years, twenty years, or sometimes even forty years that you spent with that person can never be undone, but it can be reclaimed, reshaped, and rebuilt along your path to your future self! Begin by asking a skilled divorce lawyer, such as a divorce lawyer in Arlington, TX, what your next steps are to becoming free from the person who brought upon so much pain to you and your family.
Thanks to Brandy Austin Law Firm, PLLC for their insight into reclaiming your power after a breakup or divorce.